One would assume refraining from alcohol, and staying consistent with weekend workouts, would lead to a pleasant Monday morning. This is precisely what I assumed, last night, before my head hit the pillow. Unfortunately, my assumption could not have been more amiss…
I woke up in the middle of the night with indigestion so bad, it felt like the Navy SEALs had detonated my esophagus. But after shuffling to the kitchen, and chewing up two Tums, I drifted back to sleep.
Three hours later (and two hours before I would be up training my clients), I woke up in a pool of my own sweat. My hair was wet, the sheets were drenched, and I was laughing. Night sweats? Really? My body foreshadowed menopause, and I found it hysterical; and slightly miserable. I giggled myself back to sleep and dreamt of cattle. Yes, cattle.
You are probably trying to figure out where my indigestion, night sweats, and cattle dreams came from. And assuming you’re proficient in context clues, I bet you have a pretty good idea.
If you guessed “Oh she probably ate a-pound-and-a-half of brisket all by herself,” you guessed right. How can someone so small eat so much, you ask? If I knew the answer to that, I would fix it. Right away. Because I NEVER WANT TO EAT THAT MUCH MEAT EVER AGAIN. I ate it for lunch. I ate it for a snack. I ate it for a snack again. And then I ate it for dinner. But if you could’ve tasted the delicious-ness, you would’ve eaten a pound-and-a-half too.
I lived 25 years without ever experiencing the meat sweats. To be honest, I thought the meat sweats were a load of bullshit. But I am here to tell you, they are in fact, not bullshit.
To ease my pain this morning, I did a series of stretches; and it helped tremendously. If you ever find yourself lying on the couch, suffering from the meat sweats, try the following sequence. It will aid digestion, and ease that miserably-full feeling.
I wouldn’t wish the meat sweats upon anyone; but hey, (bull)shit happens. 😉
