I woke up this morning with the most random thoughts in my head. Does that ever happen to you? It’s like you wake up, and you’re like..
WHY IN THE HELL AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well, I had one of those moments this morning. And it was weird. And even weirder, I haven’t stopped thinking about it since my alarm went off. Perhaps it’s God telling me to blog my thoughts. Maybe he knows there’s someone out there, struggling with the same issues, who needs to hear my story. Who knows?
But these thoughts are getting blogged regardless, they’re just too true not to.
Is it weird that I can remember a soccer game I had, in the first grade, like it was yesterday? And is it weird that I can remember the looks on my family’s faces after a game? Like, their faces and words are forever engrained in my mind.
You did great, Mattie! You kicked the ball really hard, Mattie! Don’t push that girl so hard, Mattie! (LOL)
I knew I wasn’t the fastest. And I definitely knew I wasn’t the best. Sports were HARD for me. I hated running. And I hated the pressure. OMG the pressure.
Is it possible to have anxiety at that age? I feel like it’s definitely possible. I remember doing so bad in a game once, my dad took me to McDonald’s to get a hashbrown for breakfast. It lasted about five seconds before it came right back up all over our foyer.
I WAS IN THE FIRST GRADE. How do I remember this?!?!?!?!?!
I’ll tell you why — I have struggled, literally my whole life, with athletics.
I moved towns the summer before my fourth grade year. My sweet parents got me involved in sports right away. Because that’s what you do when you’re a child. You play sports with your friends.
I sucked at everything. And that’s the understatement of the f*cking year…
My parents did everything they possibly could to help me. I had a private lesson/coach/practice for everything. But that didn’t keep me from “heading” the ball in a VOLLEYBALL GAME.
Mattie! Wrong sport! That’s soccer!
But here’s the deal, throughout all of those years of trying to play sports, ballet was the one thing I could get right. I’m pretty sure ballet was my saving grace growing up. So I couldn’t make a basket, spike a volleyball, or guard the effing soccer goal; I could do a grand jeté like you wouldn’t believe.
And then shit started getting serious. Ballet wasn’t just for fun anymore. I was a part of the company, dancing in the corps. A thirteen-year-old getting unwarranted “diet” advice from seventeen-year-olds with severe eating disorders.
Dance class was not a hobby. It was a job. It was a chance to “warm-up” for the 12-hour-long rehearsals, 6 nights a week. I was thirteen, with a thirteen-year-old’s body. And at thirteen, I was told my torso was too short, my technique was not up to par, and my weight was unacceptable.
Ignoring the scrutiny, I eventually landed my dream role as the lead in my favorite ballet.
In ninth grade, I made freshman cheerleader. I made varsity as a sophomore, and was captain the blink of an eye. My jumps were never the best, and neither was my tumbling, but I could (and still can, thank you very much) dance my ass off.
Those four years of cheerleading were the best four years of my life. I excelled at something I enjoyed. But those four years didn’t last forever; and after graduation, I was back at square one.
Fast-forward a few years, a few rejections, a failed tryout, and some heartbreaks; and here I am. I still can’t shoot a basketball worth a damn, and my volleyball skills are an actual joke. But you know what’s not a joke? My body.
I have completely 100% transformed my body through fitness. And every single day it gets better. There is no stopping. There is no endpoint. I get to do this forever. I get to wake up every day with the power to better myself.
That is really incredible, if you think about it.
There are no rules in this fitness game. It is all about you, and no one can tell you otherwise.
So if you’re struggling to find an ounce of willpower, do this for YOU. Who cares if your lunges or squats aren’t beautiful. YOU WILL GET THERE. You have your whole life to practice!
You will not get benched. And you will ALWAYS make the team. You just gotta go for it.
Seriously, just go for it!
