If you’re new around here, thank you for taking time out of your day to read my story. A story about my battle with Ventricular Tachycardia. To my friends and family, thank you for your love, support, and prayers. (Mom, Dad and Caroline, I love y’all SO much!) To my SoulCycle family, you all get to watch me live out my story every day, on a bike. I couldn’t do this without your love and energy! And to my Gentle Giant, thank you for being my rock, my partner, and my best friend. #MattieStrong
Let’s rewind back in time to January 18th, 2020. It was Saturday afternoon, about 12:30. I had just taught my last SoulCycle class of the day. I was lying on the couch, praying to God whatever was happening in my chest would pass, like it usually did.
Getting ZERO relief, I took an ECG on my Apple Watch.
At the time, that ECG (pictured above) meant nothing to me. I had absolutely no idea how to read it. I googled “normal ECG,” and realized mine was NOT normal. My body was rocking back and forth, and I felt like I was on a boat, in the middle of the ocean, during a hurricane. I could see my heart beating through my thick sweatshirt; it was miserable, and terrifyingly fascinating.
I tried everything I could possibly think of to get my heart rate to drop below 250. I chugged ice cold water bottles, thinking I was overheated (it was January, y’all). I ate crackers, because it was all I could stomach. I put a cold rag on my chest and my forehead. I prayed, and I cried, and I told myself if by 1:30 it doesn’t stop, I’d call my Gentle Giant.
Calling him was the last thing I wanted to do. To me, calling him meant I was essentially throwing in the towel. It meant I was giving up, and admitting I was too weak to handle myself. It meant I was just a girl with crippling anxiety again. I was losing a battle with my body; and I was frustrated, defeated, and scared. But I made the call. I had no idea how to explain what was happening, but nonetheless, I made the call.
I wasn’t fighting this battle secretly anymore. I had backup, and my heart knew it. It was as if my body said “Ok, she’s told someone, now I can really rock her fucking world.”
Soaking wet with sweat, but freezing cold, I hung up the phone, and crawled to my bathroom. I started uncontrollably vomiting into a trash bag, while sitting on the toilet. And in a twisted way, I was relieved. Relieved to be experiencing a stomach bug or food poisoning. Those were two problems I could wrap my brain around, problems that would solve themselves. But why was my chest hurting? Why did my arms feel numb? My brain was refusing to wrap around the thought of a heart problem. A problem that would NOT solve itself.
Somehow I made it to my closet, and vaguely remember my Gentle Giant sitting next to me. The nausea was coming in waves, and I’d ask him to walk out so I could throw up. For those that know my Gentle Giant, you understand when I say that lasted all of three minutes. The man did not leave my side.
Lying there shivering and sweating, rolling around trying to get the pain to stop, my heart was relentless. My arms felt like they were going to rip off of my body, and then they’d go completely numb. The boat I was on earlier turned into a raft; and the hurricane pounded on.
In the background, I kept hearing “Mattie I need to take you to the ER.” “You are grey.” “Do you want me to call an ambulance?” “Either they take you, or I do. But we’re going.” Then I heard, “Take an ECG on your watch.”
Half asleep, I took the ECG.
After taking the ECG (pictured above), and begging for five minutes of sleep, I drifted off. I don’t have any solid memories until around 8:30 p.m. The hurricane subsided, and I headed to shore. I showered, put on sweats, and reluctantly let my Gentle Giant drive me to the ER.
And that, my friends, is when my heart journey officially began.
To be continued…
*Note, the Apple Watch is only designed to catch Atrial Fibrillation (the most common harmful arrhythmia), so all of my ECGs only ever said/say “Inconclusive.” Hopefully one day there will be an update to catch V Fib, VT, etc!
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