I’ve decided it’s best to avoid the gym when I’m in a bad mood.
If you’ve ever gone to the gym in a bad mood, I know you feel my pain.
Let’s start with the parking lot, shall we?… Dear sir, with a mustache and scrunched white socks, please stop stretching by your car. You are right outside the gym. Like, 20 more steps and you can do that embarrassing hamstring stretch in the corner (where you belong). And lady with the Louis Vuitton gym bag, just stop. Go home. Reevaluate your life. And yes, I’m jealous. Bye.
Front desk… Oh hello, pretty blond girl with perfect Crossfit body. Thank you for making me feel like shit about life without saying a word. You rock. And creepy men standing by front desk trying to impress pretty front desk girl, get. a. life.
*Steps on elliptical* … WHY IS THE TV ALWAYS ON ESPN??!?!?!?!?!?! Last time I checked, girls worked out here too. Oh but wait, they probably like it too. Or they’re pretending to like it. That’s annoying. Don’t pretend. Just be yourself. *Turns Elliptical TV to Disney*
Circuit room… Oh look, all the mats are taken again. Except the disgusting, ripped and stained one. That’s fun. I’ll just do some planks over here on the hard-as-hell floor. Aaaaaand I have a visitor…
Planks, huh? Good choice. How long can you hold yours? … Are you single? Sorry, I’m sure you must get that a lot here. Ok, I see you’re busy. I’ll leave you alone now. Are you mad? You should smile more!
Weight room… You know what would be cool? A separate room just for deadlifts. And girls only. Maybe if I wore baggy Walmart sweatpants and a sweatshirt no one would stare. Good plan. I’m going to Walmart after this. Is this bitch judging how much weight I’m lifting?
OMG I love your hair. It’s so long.
Noooope, she wasn’t judging. Wait, did I just make a gym friend?
Ladies’ room… Why is she taking a selfie like that? I should offer to take it for her…no, that’s awkward. Oh hey, lady with the Louis! Now you’re putting on makeup?! Get outta here.
I’m over this. I need a smoothie.
